


Saved By the Colonel

by daughterofalderaan



Category: Holby City
Genre: Bernie Henrik and Jac...the YeetTeam…My Yeetspiration, Gen, Humor, Ppl who just physically run from their emotional turmoil? God I wish that were me, did henrik choose to move to the uk of all countries bc there are no bears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:05:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15478299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughterofalderaan/pseuds/daughterofalderaan
Summary: Bernie, Henrik, and Jac are sent to a medical conference. The journey there does not go smoothly.





	Saved By the Colonel

**Author's Note:**

> ((("Bernie, Henrik, Jac, and that woman [Becky] all sat on the floor of a bathroom in a gas station somewhere eating chicken." - a premise from tumblr user henrikhanssens)))
> 
> Becky's the patient who Jac found hiding in the bathroom stall with a large bucket of fried chicken. In this universe, that event never happened, and is instead replaced by this

Becky had somehow managed to wriggle her way onto the list of people who Jac didn’t totally despise. The physio rooms were close to Darwin, and the two of them kept bumping into each other as the weeks went by. Jac had been Becky’s client, and Becky had been Jac patient, so there was some kind of weird balance there. 

Becky nagged, and her bright and smiling face was sometimes too much, but she made an effort to talk to Jac, and it was appreciated. Sometimes. And Jac helped her out, too. She found out about Becky’s diet getting out of control, and she suggested some resources to help her recover. See? Yin yan.

She was fine engaging with Becky for short periods of time, but she wasn’t someone she wanted to spend an extended amount of time in a confined space with. For instance, she wouldn’t want to be locked in a car with her, for hours. 

So why was this exactly what Jac got roped into doing?

Abigail Tate decided it was a fabulous idea to reinstate regular conference-going for her staff. Finding out firsthand about the latest and greatest in the field, while talking up Holby City Hospital? A total win-win, in her eyes. To Jac, it was just a massive waste of time and mental energy. 

Ms Tate requested that one surgeon per ward sign up to attend a conference that was coming up in Birmingham. Bernie, Jac, and Henrik were the lucky ones who couldn’t quickly cite a good enough excuse to get out of going. Jac was in theatre when the email was sent, and by the time she was out, she was the last one standing on Darwin. 

The night before the event, Jac went out for dinner with Becky and Fletch, and complained about having to drive all the way to Birmingham for some crap conference. Henrik and Bernie were going to carpool with her there and back. Dreadful. 

Becky’s eyes lit up when she mentioned where shew as going. “Oh, would it be alright if I could tag along? I’ve got some family who moved to Birmingham this year, and I haven’t been up there to see them yet.”

Her cited reason for not doing so as of yet was that buying train tickets stressed her out. 

“Buying in advance gets me uneasy because it’s like, I don’t know what my plans are gonna be three months into the future. But then on the flip side, last minute prices are too expensive!”

Jac rolled her eyes at what Becky considered a “big problem.” 

Over the next hour, Becky kept asking to come along, and Jac kept saying no. Finally, Fletch said: “Oh come off it Jac, just give ‘er the lift.” At last, Jac begrudgingly agreed.

The following evening, Jac, Henrik, and Bernie, met up in the hospital car park at the end of their shifts. Jac brought a bag of bare necessities, and the other two packed light as well. 

Becky showed up ten minutes after the rest of them. She was pulling a large suitcase, and her body was sagging to one side from lugging a duffle bag. “Is she bringing every last one of worldly possessions with her?” Jac thought.

“I thought you said your shift ended two hours before ours’ did,” said Jac. 

“Yeah it did,” said Becky. “But I managed to doze off in the peace garden and just had to run in to get my stuff. Sorry!”

As they all entered the car, Bernie asked: “Are you sure you don’t want to take shifts driving there?”

“Wolfe, I’ve seen your car,” Jac replied. “I don’t need to have mine end up in a ditch on the side of the road because you were cruising at 150.” Bernie looked for a second like she was going to rebut, but she shook her head and dropped the matter.

Jac turned on the engine, and they set off on the journey. If traffic behaved, they’d arrive in two hours. Jac really hoped they’d get there without any issue. She just wanted to get there, check in, and be in the domain of her hotel room and away from company until tomorrow. 

Bernie and Becky sat in the back. However, Becky Becky was relentlessly playing games on her phone, and fifteen minutes in, Becky got carsick from it. Henrik was not too pleased to be switching seats with her; his head brushed the ceiling when he sat in the back.

About an hour into the journey, they stopped off at a petrol station to grab some coffee. Becky said she didn’t want any snacks or anything, and instead of going inside, went around the corner of the building to use the restroom.

Bernie asked if they should buy something for Becky, but Jac knew that wasn’t a good idea for her right now, so she said no. 

Jac was in the queue to pay for her coffee, when the automatic doors at the shop’s entrance opened, and three massive brown bears walked in. One of them was growling loudly.

“What.” was all that Jac could get out.

One of the workers started dragging her towards the back, and she promptly slapped his arm a bit to get him away from her. “In here, in here,” he told them, and when she Bernie and Henrik stepped inside, he shut the door.

They were in the bathroom. Becky, who was throwing a wadded up paper towel into the bin when they burst in.

“Hey, there was an entrance from inside after all!” said Becky.

“This isn’t right,” said Bernie, as she tried opening the door, with no luck. She jiggled the handle, then banged on it. She immediately rushed to the door leading to outside, and tired that one. They were locked in. The four of them looked at one another.

“What…what’s going on?” asked Becky.

Henrik stood there looking like a zombie, unmoving. 

“Henrik, you don’t look so well,” said Becky.

“Bears are… Well to say the least, I’m not fond of them—"

"Oh god, my car!” said Jac. 

"Have you any valuables in it?" asked Hanssen. 

"That doesn't really matter if they take the whole damn car," snapped Jac. 

“People let bears into the store to try to steal your car?” asked Becky, trying to piece together the situation. Bernie let out a small laugh of disbelief.

“Is this funny to you?” asked Jac

“No, it’s just absurd,” said Bernie. “We haven’t even got bears in this country.” She then changed her tone and started handing out instructions. “Right, does everyone have phone service right now?" They all checked their devices, and everyone except Hanssen had at least some bars on their network. 

"Jac, check our coordinates; I'll phone the police and tell them where we are," said Bernie. 

Jac did as she was told, and Bernie explained the horrific situation they were in to the police. And then they had to wait.

Bernie was texting someone—Serena, probably. Jac didn’t text Fletch about what was going on. There was no need to worry the man; he already got needlessly worried all too often.

Becky started watching videos on her phone, blasting them out loud.. "Becky, don't you think it's wise to save your battery right now?" said Bernie.

"Oh yeah, right, yessir,” she said, saluting. Bernie only looked half amused. 

"Jac told me you're a sargent or something of the sort,” said Becky.

“Major. And _was_.” corrected Bernie.

”Can't you just use your ninja moves to get us out of here?" asked Becky.

“That…that’s not exactly…” Bernie stuttered out. “The police should be arriving soon. Don't want to bang myself up if I don’t have to.”

"Right, right," said Becky. “Well, at least we're locked in a bathroom."

"Yes, what a fantastic place to be stuck inside of,” Jac said, sarcastically.

Becky replied: “I just mean – if this were NOT a bathroom, and one of us had to go, it'd be a right disaster.”

They were still in there half an hour later, when Becky’s stomach gave a massive lurch. 

“And I thought _I_ was hungry,” said Bernie.

“Don’t worry, Bernie, I’ve got you,” said Becky. She opened up the coat she was wearing, revealing large inner pockets. “I know you’re gonna have a massive go at me for this, Jacqui, but I’ve brought some food.”

“What the hell?!” said Jac. 

"Is that safe to eat?” asked Henrik. “How long ago was it cooked?”

Becky reached into her pockets and pulled out a pair of ice packs. And then attempted her best jazz hands whilst holding them.

Jac put her face into her hands. “I _thought_ it smelled weird in my car!” 

“Sorry ‘bout that, Jazza,” said Becky. “Want a piece?”

“I do _not_ want any of that,” said Jac.

“Fried chicken places are life-savers if you need something that’s open late at night,” said Becky conversationally. 

“Now that’s true,” said Bernie. 

“KFC is my favorite,” Becky said, pulling a bunch of napkins out of her pocket.

“Hello, Captain Obvious,” replied Jac, pointing to the the KFC logo printed onto the napkins.

Becky popped a piece of chicken into her mouth. “Have you lot seen the new commercials they’ve got with Reba McEntire?” 

“Who?” asked Bernie.

“Famous country singer. She’s got great hair, like Jac,” said Becky. 

Jac was _not_ pleased to be compared to a country singer.

“Anyway, she plays Colonel Sanders on the commercial,” said Becky. She then looked at Bernie, and asked: “Is colonel a rank higher than major?”

“Nope,” said Bernie.

“So if you were in the army at the same time as the KFC Colonel, you’d be in a higher up position than him?,” said Becky. “Or her. If it’s Reba.”

“Er. Yes? Though, he’s American,” said Bernie.

"This is by far the worst conversation I've ever had to listen to," said Jac. 

“She’s actually really good, you know. Fantastic performer.” Becky took her phone out of airplane mode.

“Becky, again, save your battery?” said Bernie.

Becky paid no regard to Bernie’s advice, and started playing what apparently was Reba McEntire. Jac grimaced.

After about five seconds, Jac said: “I think I’ve heard enough.”

“No, no, wait for the beat to drop.” 

Becky pointedly nodded her head once in time with the music, but there really wasn’t much of a beat to be dropped. The four of them sat without speaking, listening to the song, with Bernie nibbling on her wing.

After another minute, Jac spoke over the song again, asking “Are we quite finished?”

Becky rolled her eyes but stopped the music. “Fine, Jacqui, but I’ll make a fan out of you yet.”

More time passed, with no sign of anyone. 

“Shouldn’t help have been here by now?” said Henrik. 

“They should’ve,” said Bernie. “Can we double check that we’ve given them the right location?”

Jac looked at her maps app, and relayed to them where it said they were. But then the blue dot on Jac’s phone that stated where they were started to drift. “What the hell? Now it’s put us further down, closer to a different rest stop.” She showed Bernie the screen. 

“Hang on, I think this makes more sense,” said Bernie. “We were going West, and we passed by that Chozen Noodle. So _this_ would be the station we’re at. Not the one we told them.”

“This piece of crap lied to us,” said Jac. 

“Oh my goddddddddd,” wailed Becky. 

“I seem to be getting a signal now,” said Henrik. “I’ll call.” He dialed 999.

Half an hour later, the police came and busted down the door from the outside. 

When they emerged into the dark evening, Becky said: “Fresh air! I thought I’d never breathe you in again!” 

“I thought you didn’t mind being cooped up in the bathroom,” growled Jac. Becky did’t hear her.

The four of them walked out towards Jac’s car. 

Jac took her key out and was about to unlock the doors, when she headed back into the building, telling the police: “I forgot something inside.”

Jac came back out holding a pile of blankets that had been for sale in the shop, with the packaging ripped off. She handed one to each of them, and said: “No way are any of you going to sit in my car without these, after being in that filthy bathroom.”

“Isn’t that stealing?” asked Becky. 

“Those bastards left us locked in there, with bears,” said Jac. “I’ll take what I can get.”

They drove to the nearest police station, and when filing a report, found out that the men who locked them in were put into custody just an hour before. Someone had spotted the bears exiting the store and called in.

“So the police came to the station for a different reason, yet we had to stay locked in that sodding room?” said Jac. “Unbelievable.”

When they exited the police station, Jac tossed Bernie her car keys, saying “Get us back to Holby. I’ll have some words for Ms Tate if she really expects us to go to Birmingham after all this.”

“That’s a relief, as I got a text a few hours ago from my family saying they aren’t even in town this weekend,” said Becky. “I didn’t want to bring it up earlier.”

Jac was sure smoke was coming out of her nostrils. 

They were all silent during the ride back. That is, until Becky asked: “Can we stop off somewhere to eat?”

“How about KFC?” suggested Hanssen.

Jac shot him a death glare.

“I’m joking,” he said.

**Author's Note:**

> bruh that ep of Casualty a few weeks ago where Elle and Connie get locked in that filtho gas station bathroom on a road trip from hell? i already wrote this by then and was like hooly crap Same Hat
> 
> also...i went to the uk 2months ago on a whirlwind trip to see Jemma Rdgrave in the play she was in n i was Hyperaware of every KFC i passed because of this. The town that I’d lived in even has a KFC now. The building used to be occupied by a non-corporate fried chicken place wow
> 
> im finally posting this but im 2 nerv to post anything more serious so this is becoming some kinda lowkey crackfic den of an account
> 
> im @ freetobegrace.tumblr.com


End file.
